PolyTech: Technology in Polyamarous Relationships

by Chris "Seeder"

This information was presented at Florida Poly Retreat 2007 by my partner and fellow geek, Chris. We co-presented this information at Loving More West 2007.

Technology can play a role in nearly every phase of poly relationships - helping with finding partners, building community, staying connected, managing schedules, honoring sexual & emotional boundaries, and more.

Finding Partners:

Dating Sites: Most of them are NOT poly-friendly! Good options: Poly Matchmaker & OK Cupid. Others?
Participate, Don't Hunt: Looking gets in the way of finding. Focus on making the "real you" visible online. Blog, post, etc...
Polydar: You don't have to limit yourself to the poly pond - trust your instincts!

Building Community:

Mailing Lists: Join or create some. Ask around, check Yahoo Groups, Google Groups, etc...
Social Networks: LiveJournal.com, Tribe.com. Bleeding Edge - Build Your Own: Ning.com
Act Locally: If a local "events" mailing list doesn't exist, create one!
Tips in creating your own community

Staying Connected:

Not everyone has the same preferred style of communication! Some people are voice centric, others prefer online. Know what works!

Ways to Communicate:

In Person - Don't forget this! (Geeks all too often do...)
Voice - Long or short calls? Daily? Weekly? Monthly? Hourly?!?
Conference Calls - Skype can be great for triads and quads, though voice communication is often better 2-way.
SMS Text Messaging - Limited to 160 characters per message. Get a phone with a keyboard!
IM Messaging - Long chats? Sporadic nibbles? Major networks: AOL, Yahoo, MSN, Skype...
Video Chat - The best (or worst) of in person, voice, and IM. (Can quad-chat easily with Apple's iChat)
Email - Long or short? How often? Be careful not to overwhelm the email-phobic...
Blog - Public? Private? For privacy control: LiveJournal MicroBlogging: Twitter
Photographs - Share communal photos - public or private Flickr groups work great.
Tips for Voice Folk: It is worth it to make sure you have a plan with unlimited calling to your sweeties.
Tips for Data Folk: Get IM at Work! (Google Talk and Meebo are the way to go if you can't install a client...)

Managing Life & Schedules:

Group Calendar: Google Calendar & Yahoo Calendar. Use color codes to keep things straight.
PDA's: The geek kind. Great for keeping your calendar with you.
Shared Documents: Google Docs is great for this! Everything from todo lists to vacation plans...

Honoring Boundaries:

Posted Agreements: Jointly craft your relationship agreement and post it where you can share it with new partners.
STD Results: Many clinics offer results online, ideal for sharing with new and old partners.
Spreadsheets?!? You can actually share sexual and relationship history this way... Download Smoocherie's sample spreadsheet format