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Benefits of Polyamory

There are many benefits of polyamory. Here are a few of them that I find worthy of note, and what personally makes polyamory worthwhile for me:

  • Multiple people to do things with. Odds are that I'm not going to share all of my interests with a single person. With having multiple partners, however, the odds go up that I'll share more of my interests with someone close to me and be able to further explore them. Also, I get exposed to more new interests with each of my sweeties, increasing my palette.  

  • Extended support network. When someone in my intimate circle is having a bad day, or experiences a crisis - they have several people to lean on. And, conversely, no one person is taxed out on giving support, because that support is spread out. 

  • Increased self-awareness. Intimate relationships act like mirrors we hold up to ourselves. And the reflection we see back in each relationship is slightly different, offering a new opportunity to discover something about ourselves. Having multiple intimate relationships gives us multiple perspectives to compare and contrast. 

  • Learning new things about a loved one. The flip side to the above is that when your loved one is experiencing multiple partners, they are learning new things about themselves. In that process, you get a very unique opportunity to see your loved one through someone else's eyes and perhaps realize new things about them. 

  • Sexual Variety. Yes, I do admit it.. the opportunity to explore a variety of sexual interests is a really cool part of polyamory, even if that isn't my drive for having multiple relationships.

  • Increased Individuality. In a coupled relationship, it's really easy to slip into a couplecentric identity - of always doing things together, having the same friends, and having a unit identification. When you're involved in multiple relationships, you base more of your identity on who you are, not by your relationship(s).  It's really hard for someone to identify me as part of 'FritzandCherie' when they know that I have other sweeties important in my life.  

  • Personal Development. There's nothing like having multiple partners to call you on your bullshit. In polyamory there's a lot less room for personal insecurities and co-dependent communication patterns. When you have multiple people who you're close with, who also communicate with each other in some form, you just simply can't hide from your negative aspects and have to deal with them. 

In traditional monogamous relationships, there is pressure for us to be everything to our partner. Because we are all unique individuals with different tastes and needs, I find it unrealistic that there is one person who can meet all of my needs and that I can meet all of theirs. Polyamory allows me  to appreciate the people in my life for what they compliment and add in mine, and not become frustrated by holding them up to expectations for what they can't meet.  I take responsibility for my own happiness and making sure my needs are met, and not placing those expectations on another person. Polyamory encourages, allows and almost demands that you be an individual first and foremost... and not take identity by your relationships.  You must be self-confident and in touch with yourself.

Being polyamorous does not mean that I must have multiple relationships to feel fulfilled. It's a state-of-mind, a philosophy about relationships. It's consciously choosing how many relationships I can realistically handle at any point in my life. At times, that may only be one relationship - or none at all. The important thing is that anyone I become involved with knows that I don't approach relationships with an intention of monogamy.

But of course, my most important relationship is my relationship with myself.

 

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