How to get laid on the internet
I've been active online since the late 1980s, starting out in the old
BBS (Bulletin Board Systems) days. I've met a good number of people from
online (perhaps hundreds by this point), many becoming some of my
closest friends over the years and even today. And, most of my
significant relationships have been with people I met online first.
In the old days, being online was pretty limited to those of us geeky
enough to find our way there. We tended to be fairly intelligent people,
and although we had social ineptness in real life.. communicating online
tended to be our forte in social communications.. or flame wars.
As the internet hit the masses, it became a new way for people to
interact with each other and I'm not convinced that most people have a
knack for making first contacts online. Perhaps they do in real life, I
don't know. But real life skills don't always directly translate online.
So, here are some pointers for ways to make your first contact count and
potentially lead to actually meeting people in real life as a result.
1) Make your first contact, especially if it's an e-mail, more than
'Hi, wassup?'. This might work in person where you can be more
interactive and can supplement with body language, looks, context and
environment - but online, you have to utilize and depend on your words
to make your first impression for you. When I receive a first e-mail
that has no actual content, the message gets passed over. I might
respond with a 'Fine, thanks'.. but you're not likely to engage me in
conversation without giving me some context. Let me know why you
contacted me. What about my profile attracted you? (Besides my mere
existence as an attractive female). What about yourself do you think I
might be interested in? Show me that you 1) have read my profile and 2)
think I might be interested in conversing with you.
2) Actually read their profile before contacting someone. A lot
of folks will initiate contact based strictly off of seeing a picture,
or basic demographics (location, gender, age). These things alone are
generally not enough to spark up a conversation of mutual interest. If I
feel someone is contacting me rather randomly, I don't tend to give
their communication my attention. And this is especially true if their
initial e-mail looks like a form letters (ie. talking all about
themselves AND making no references to things I've written in m
profile/website.) I've had far too many people contact me because I look
hot in my picture but skip over important details in my profile - such
as I'm polyamorous, childfree by choice, etc. On the flip side, if I
feel the person has actually taken the time to read my profile and
contacts me with references to it (and even better, telling me about how
something I wrote applies to them) - they are much more likely to
capture my interest and get a reply of depth.
3) Establish connection and trust before pushing to meet or talk on
the phone. Most females who are visible on the web get several
contacts a day from people, as a minimum. For me personally, my spare
time is quite limited and I don't have a lot of time for meeting people
in person unless I have a good idea that we'll have something
interesting to discuss when we meet. Yes, I'm picky about how I spend my
spare time. I don't have the time or interest in meeting someone simply
because they think I'm interesting or because their favorite hair color
on a female is red. Assuming that this is enough for me to be interested
is not showing respect for my time or my life. If someone wants to meet
me, they *have* to capture my interest. Me and many of my female
friends, get turned off by people who ask to meet within the first
exchange of communication. In most cases, this is not enough time to
establish connection. Also, take the time to earn my trust (and let me
earn yours too.. how do you know that I'm really that cute interesting
chick portrayed in my profile?). I personally use consistency of
communication over time to establish trust, and I rely heavily on my
intuition and instincts when communicating with people. I've not been
lead wrong before, and someone telling me that they're a 'nice guy' is
not going to make me feel any more comfortable with them any quicker.
Just relax.. communicate. Get to know me. Let me get to know you. If
continued communication is interesting and comfortable, arranging to
meet up will be a natural manifestation.
4) Be upfront about what you're looking for. So many times people
will contact me, trying to be conversive. But in reality, they have
pretty specific ulterior motives of looking for a sexual hook-up, fuck
buddy, new wife, mother for their kids, someone to help them cheat on
their spouse, etc. If you have specific goals and that's all you're
interested in, please be considerate of both of our time and be upfront
about it. It's much easier for me to response appropriately to what
you're looking for. And trying to chat me up first is not going to
change my interest level in what you're proposing. Most people I know,
myself included, are pretty firm in what they're open to and not open
to.
5) Not having expectations is far more likely to get you laid. On
the other hand, if you really have no goals or expectations in meeting
someone from online.. then that makes it so much easier to truly just
converse and connect without pressure. And guess what? That's the exact
context in which you're likely to connect with someone. If I don't
intuit that you're coming from a place of neediness or want, I'm far
more likely to relax and be comfortable just talking with you. All of my
romantic relationships from online have started this way - not because
either of us specifically looking to hook up, but because we genuinely
found each other interesting and met because we thought each other were
cool and worth meeting. No other expectations. In other words - you're
far more likely to arrange a first meeting if you're secure in who you
are, happy with how your life is and aren't randomly hitting people up
out of desperation. Concentrate on contacting people that you wouldn't
mind spending an evening talking with over coffee or drinks without
worrying about if you're getting into their pants.
So.. there you have it. How to go about actually taking online community
to real life meetings.
